I'm in an oddly nostalgic mood. That seems to be my go-to method for dealing with that feeling that the world's an overwhelming place that I'm always tempted to get caught up in.

So I'm just going to list, let whatever connects in my head connect and be okay with that. It's like a meditative poem of sorts.....but not a poem.

I feel really comfortable when I go to the grocery store because it makes me feel like I've got family all around me.

The same can be said about parking lots. Some of my favorite memories are standing in Safeway parking lots in the summer, eating Taco Bell and wondering what superhero I'd be.

I can sit and watch rivers move by for a long time.

I love listening to baseball games on the radio.

The Great Gatsby is a very comforting book for me, it's what I want to be reading when life feels colorless.

A house is not complete without a porch in my head.

I really like that scene in the Notebook where Ryan Gosling reads Walt Whitman poems.

"I sing the body electric"-Walt Whitman

I am homesick but I'm not sure it's that simple kind of homesick that's cured by a weekend somewhere other than Flagstaff.

I sometimes make my problems to be large and important when they are small and not worthy of my thoughts.

I am scared often.

I am scared with all my friends getting married.

I have identity issues that are easily exploited when I seek validation in the opposite sex.

I like low florescent lighting that's not invasive but feels nice in the background of a kitchen, underneath the cabinets.

I enjoy walking when it's summer and all the things I'm allergic to make the air feel heavy.

I give travel too much healing power in my life.

Everyone likes the taste of their own eggs.

I am guilty of using sarcasm to elevate myself above others so I can hide my own brokenness in the "stupidity" I subscribe to the choices they make.

I am a redwood tree (metaphorically)

I am a redwood tree (literally)

I'm not really either of those things, I'm not sure exactly what that would mean.

I use to collect Star Wars Episode I collectible soda cans. But drank the soda and just had a bunch of empty cans in my room for a few months.

I am in love with the drama of my own humanity.

The movies that make me cry are as follows: My Dog Skip, Garden State, Wicker Park, many many movies involving Tom Hanks (actor or producer) and I may have slightly wept watching the Notebook.

I sometimes think I am not "man enough" to be a man.

I then hold onto this idea that I am a man in Christ, which looks different and has nothing to do with steady income, lifting heavy things, or drinking lots of beers.

I used to have super artsy Myspace/Facebook pictures.

I love the sounds radios make when it's summer and I'm washing my car.

I like it when I'm listening to pop/alt radio stations that span 1970-present.

The above was one of the best perks of working at Subway.

I use to lay out on my parents driveway at night and watch the moon roll around for a few hours while I listened to Bright Eyes and thought about how romantic I was.

I don't get tired of "Clocks" by Coldplay.

I appreciate all of my friends so much.

I live a truly blessed life

It's easy for me to forget this when: (insert many random things that happen in life)


I feel much much better after doing this. Who knows why, but it always seems to help me.

Go watch a movie, call your mother or make a meal for your roommates.


-Geoff

Skinny Love

I have been doing really well as of late. Things have seemed so wonderful....full of mystery. Then today, I had my first legitimately bad mood in a week or so.

When I was on my way home from school I saw some dude passed out on the side of the road. I pulled over to see what was up. From two years of working at a shelter that allows individuals who are intoxicated in the building I could piece together this guy had been drinking pretty heavily.

So I woke him up (he seemed familiar, like I knew him from the shelter or something) and I went through the steps to see if he needed an ambulance or FMC (Flagstaff Medical Center). I'm just about to make a call when this skinny white dude in dreads showed up. I don't know how I can describe what happened next......just that he used a lot of f-bombs and really seemed to think I didn't know what I was doing. He wouldn't have a conversation with me about it, just kept cursing about white people and how I didn't know anything. It was really weird. And honestly, I've never had anger like I had in that moment. Maybe it was because his elephant-in-the-room attitude really got to me, or my pride was hurt. I'm not sure.

I left because he called 911 for the guy on the ground (who was conscious at this point) and since he did that there wasn't really any point to me staying.

I spent the next couple of hours trying to justify myself....my anger......you know that I was right and he was wrong. I'm still mad......but I know this isn't the right response.

I'm held up in my room right now, my roommates are watching the Fresh Prince, but I'm not going to leave until I can figure out how to love this Rastafarian/Jewish/cursing child of God. Because that's what it comes down to.....it's easy to love people who treat you kindly or don't treat you anyway at all.....but when they insult you.....bother you for no reason. That's the real test.

The more I think badly of this man, the more I'm murdering him in my heart......and he doesn't deserve that. Jesus sets an example for me......that I should have stood and took those insults.....and made sure that the man on the ground got into the ambulance alright. I left because my pride had been hurt.....I left out of my own selfishness.

So that's some actual processing right now. I'm going to live with that, and keep this man in my prayers. Because there isn't much that separates us. We both live in a world where sin is prevalent....and we both need Jesus, a lot.

I finally admit to liking Bon Iver......I'm through being too cool



Also, I went to the zoo in Albuquerque over spring break.....it was awesome. Blog about that soon.

I've Never Punched a Shark (the Last Month)

I've never punched a shark, the idea of doing something like that is terrifying.

This last month has been....busy to say the least. I've gone through about 12 different large "life changing" things I'd like to do, worked 20 hours most weeks, gone to school and lots of other things that had been adding lots of stress to my life.

Shutter Island
Was awesome.

Stress
Is not so awesome.

I've been considering what it means to "stress" about things in my life and I don't think I've ever understood how truly destructive it is. It's really awful physically and mentally, and I don't want to live with the mentality that stress is some how helping me get anything done in my life.

I think that there is a very good reason Jesus tells us not to worry. (I'm equating worry to stress here, hopefully that doesn't irk anyone). It's as if our bodies have been designed to collapse when we worry/stress out about the things in our lives.

If anything it is a manifestation of a lack of faith in God and His provision. I'm beginning to think that when we worry or stress, we are essentially saying "man I need to rely of my self and trust that I am strong enough to get things done" which is complemented by "God may be there, but I don't have time to wait around for Him to work and provide in my time of need".

Jesus never asked us to be strong, only that we realize "My grace is sufficient for you, My power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians....something and such).

I'm hoping to be restored of my faith in God being active in my life, trusting that He will show up and not worrying if things don't happen within my perception and definition of what 'should' happen.



-Geoff