How to Make Difficult Decisions In Your Life and Become Rich

The last time I had to make a big decision it was 2am in the Winter of 2006. Earlier that night a friend had jokingly told me that I would be working at Subway for the rest of my life and that I'd never go to Berkley.

I laughed at the time and put mustard on his sandwich (which I'm sure tasted awesome) and hummed to a Hall & Oates song. I wasn't going to defend myself, I knew what I was capable of.

Then it hit me. I was graduating high school, and at that time in my life it was the biggest thing I'd done. I hadn't applied for any colleges. I was set on going to a community college and then going to Berkley. I was going to become the next Kerouac or Ginsberg and change the world. I was going to be the guy you'd see in a small picture on the bottom of a book entitled "Harry Truman and Other Saviors". I'd be wearing glasses (which I don't need) and a scarf (which looks cool).

In that moment, something told me all of those dreams were foolish and that I needed something different. Feeling insecure I remembered that NAU had offered me an okay deal and on a whim I applied. It was an impulse buy. I threw the next 4 years of my life out there and hoped for the best.

It was like those romantic and wonderful people that spin a globe and travel to wherever their fingers land.

I felt like this was what I was becoming.

After a year in Flagstaff it felt like my finger had landed in the middle of the Pacific Ocean or someplace in Siberia and I told myself I was miserable.

I listened to Elliott Smith records and read novels by serious Frenchmen and thought I'd impress cute girls with my intelligence and obscure tastes.

That is not where life happens. Depression is not validation. It was not a lifestyle.

Looking back, I know that the reason things seemed so hopeless and lost was that I was going through these things alone. I had left my home, I refused to make friends (unless they were girls that would validate me physically) and I reached the end of whatever resolve I had.

Granted in these moments, I didn't know Jesus but 4 years later I find myself in a similar position.

This May, I will be graduating.

After that point, I will be going on staff with Intervarsity Christian Fellowship (as of right now).

I am hesitant because I am doing this alone.

In a mystical, spiritual sense I have the Spirit. Yes, I know that God is always with us and with me in this process.

But let's be real. The person that suggests this is as all a human needs is probably the person that listens to your stories about how your mother died from cancer or how you've struggled with body image issues all your life and suggests "praying more".

Just because something sounds righteous doesn't mean it's good advice (i.e. the book of Job).

I am faced something where I may lose my immediate community, my family dynamics are changing and nothing is certain except that things will change.

In this moment of my life, even with all of the things that seem to be hedging me, all I can really do is make tough decisions and trust that God is with me. Can I say that with excitement? Sometimes, but not always.

I'm glad for that. I think it'd be strange to always be feeling joy in these moments. I don't recall David dealing with the illness of his child with a smile on his face. Jesus did not go up on the cross with a skip in His step. Things are allowed to be hard, and it's not that we always feel good about doing what God has asked of us, but that we do it.

It wouldn't seem human or real to ALWAYS be happy. In fact that would freak me out a bit. Joy and associated emotions are only part of the spectrum we've been given to explore the nature of God (which I imagine looks a lot a valley with evergreens and a small black creek running through the middle. at night the stars move around and the insects make noises that sound like creation, salvation and laughter).

There is value in wrestling with apathy, sorrow, pain, uncertainty, etc. We shouldn't seek to stay in those places, but we shouldn't think that God's not there in those moments either.

I'm looking forward to this next part of my life. I know that it won't be easy, but as I was reminded the other day "you wouldn't want to do something that was easy anyway, you'd get bored". And that's true. I want my life to be challenging, exciting and uncertain. I've been given that, and now it's my turn to accept.

There is snow on my back-porch this morning and the outside world looks like a prayer waiting to be answered. Out there in the unknown where our choices float around until we make them exists the future. I know that I will never be alone, but that I will sometimes feel alone. I have been given a new life, new spirit and a new body. Driving through all of this, I am equipped and ready for what's next.

The Lord said, “Go out and stand on the mountain in the presence of the Lord, for the Lord is about to pass by.”

Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.

Then a voice said to him, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”

Weddings, Babies and Things the World Needs Less Of

The last two weeks of my life have been crazy.

It's been 13 hour drives, airports, desert and introspection; so I figure now is just as good a time as any to write it all down and free myself up a little bit.

Wedding
My best friend Mike got married this last Saturday. It was such a blast. I'm a terrible dancer. I know it's going to be something I look back on and think "now don't we all look young and attractive in these pictures?"...and not in a depressing way. It was a milestone. We were all dashing in our vests, button ups, dresses and flowers. Somehow how the whole thing felt like victory or accomplishment.

When Mike and Seren had their first dance, I feel like God let me see something special. He values unity, oneness and sacrificial love. To see people seek after that, regardless of their beliefs, is inspiring.

Birth
As I was at the wedding, my cousin went into labor.

On my way to the airport, my family and I stopped to see the newborn Sophie. I've never seen a child so new to the world. She was beautiful in every way.

I've been thinking about all the ways I could write about this, about the ways that my cousin Mollie is so obviously in love with her daughter; or the feeling I got seeing something so small so full of life.

But I feel like I just don't have the words. It's the kind of thing that resets our experiences in this life, that wipes the slate of our heart clean. It inspires me to a better quality of love, to a kind of love that's too great for me to create on my own.

Things the World Could Use Less Of

1. Christian Dating Books. My roommate Erik said last night, "Maybe we should just try following Jesus", and I'm inclined to agree.

Things the World Could Use More Of

1. Jesus

2. Pop-punk bands that don't suck

3. Weightlifting Christians that will bring people into the Kingdom with their muscles.

4. An eagerness to learn and have it's beliefs challenged and slightly changed


Changed Hearts, New Creations, etc
So recently I began to question the "toughness" of the Gospel. Trust me, I still think it's an insurmountable task without Christ leading the way and the council of the Holy Spirit, but sometimes I find myself saying "well this is hard" and leaving it at that.

We're made new in Christ. That's a fact.

I am not the same person I was before accepting Jesus.

So here's what I have to say: If we truly believe in redemption and renewal then it's no longer acceptable to give worldly excuses for not adhering to the Holy.

He is always with us (Matthew 28:20), He came for us to experience the fullness of His way of life (John 10:10), He is the resurrection and saves us from eternal death (John 11:25-26), we should be dead to sin but alive in God!-and it's a choice to live this way (Romans 6:5-14), our light and momentary troubles are for His glory (2 Corinthians 4:16-18), if we live by the Spirit; we WILL see fruit (Galatians 5:22-25), it is by grace that we have been saved! (Ephesians 2:8-9); and that we should seek after His resurrection-somehow and know that all things are possible through Him (Philippians 3:10-11& 4:13). In short, He is Lord, and loves is passionately!

We are always coming from the Garden, from the fall, from the resurrection and we are always on our way back to a perfect relationship with Him. These are set ends and events!

Jesus humbled Himself to the point of death, even death on a cross. He has given us so much! If we consider these things to be true, that we are made new, that the rules have changed and we are in fact SET FREE, my challenge is to live out our time here like we believe it.

Okay, I'm going to get ready for class now.

-Geoff

Way Over Yonder In the Minor Key

On Monday I will begin my journey down to the more popular parts of California, see my friends and then head across the desert and pretend I'm Gram Parsons till I reach Flagstaff. Today I am telling myself I won't eat fast food.

It's Saturday, I am going to try and run with my brother. I am a runner. I will run, the people driving up Meder Rd will look at my strangely and one day I will be physically fit and worthy of worship!

These are the highlights (at least the ones I'm allowed to write about from the last couple of weeks)

1. Working at the Arab-American Learning Center down in Sacramento. I'm learning so much about Jesus just being there, having fellowship with the believers there and making friends with the refugees that come! I was invited to have an Arabic style tea with my friend Mohammad and met his wonderful family. I've also begun learning how to take care of kids. I'm awful at it, but making progress. I have a hard time being firm with kids (in general) but especially kids who aren't mine and only speak Arabic.

Either way, I love it. All the things I think make me special culturally simply don't, and that's an exciting-freeing feeling.

2. The end of every day has felt like coming home, things are familiar and things are safe.

3.The sexiness of my decision not to drink has worn off with those around me. Attention! Come back!

4.I gave a talk at Cold Springs Youth Group earlier this week. That was exciting, getting to talk to 30ish middle and high schooler's about John 10:10 and the promise of having life to it's full if we follow Jesus. There were so many emotions ranging from, "I need to wear this shirt to be more culturally relevant and postmodern" t0 "I hope I can drink water when I'm speaking with out looking inept". And yes, those are emotions. There's also the "I hope they take me serious/like me" and in that sense it's like the first day of high school or a first date.

I had a lot of fun doing it! Nick and the other leaders are great, and to be a part of that ministry in any sense was an honor. It's kind of a bummer that the part of my talk that got the biggest reaction seemed to be when I talked about baby's going to the bathroom on the sidewalk in China. Poop jokes, my go to.

That said, I know that God was there, and working in the hearts of the kids there and that it had really nothing to do with how "well" or "poorly" I did. Cause He's good like that = ).

5. My best friend is getting married, I get to wear a rockin suit, and eat all the cupcakes I want. (He works here http://www.icingonthecupcake.com/). Also-cupcakes, that's the next big thing.

6. I'm suddenly excited to give some girl some flowers, and by some girl I mean some girl someday if I'm ever doing the relationship boogie. Flowers, or so I'm told, are something girls love. Who knew. I like Rice Chex.

7. I just finished Son of Hamas. Read it, great book!

8. I got to share my testimony last week, and ideally it sounded like this,

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ-the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ-yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead."

Philippians 3:7-11
Like I said, ideally.


Now I'm off into something beautiful and most likely a few shades of green!

-Geoff

Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

I feel incredibly important today. I really like Van Morrison's song Foreign Window. It reminds that there have been times in my life when I've been freed from all of the things that I think are important to my identity. You know, that I don't need to be walking around on the dirt of this place calling myself something I'm not. That I don't need to drink flavored water anymore, that I'm ready for the purity and simpleness of the real thing.

Last night I stayed up very late reading A Heart Breaking Work of Staggering Genius because it is important to me to wait a while on buzz books. It's good, and David Eggers knows it. I've honored him by making one of his lines the title of this post, and soon there will be a holiday of some sort, and we'll all need to wait an extra day to get our mail.

I would say that it is important for people to be able to love each other. I think it's interesting how much time gets spent arguing the relativity of love. "No no, you don't understand, I loved them". We've made it so that almost any action or feeling can be traced back to love (or any emotion for that matter) if we really want it to. Everything is safe and comfortable that way. My love is the color blue even if it really isn't.

There are times I think the Narrow Gate that Jesus describes as the Way, you know truth and goodness, is really visible in everyone's life. I think people who hear about Jesus see the Narrow Gate and there is some part of them that knows that it is good, and of course I mean good, really good in the way is healthy for us, not exactly comfortable. I think people see that and get overwhelmed at the task of seeking it, because in all honesty who would think so highly of themselves that they could change to become anything that might be called righteous? To "become good" (as most people seem to see it) is a fantastic pursuit.

More and more I am understanding that I cannot call myself to "become good" or even work at making myself like that. It's simply not my place. Jesus himself says "Who is good but God alone?" I don't think that the Narrow Gate is the choice to become good, but the choice to live in Reality (taking the capitalization of reality from J.B. Phillips). It's the choice to seek the principles that God intended to be of focus when He created humans (however that happened) and we enjoyed closeness and True Love.

I'm going to hang out with my friends at the Arab-American Learning Center soon, and the Spirit will show me something great, because He always does.

Back In America!

Disclaimer:
I'm not going to talk too much about China through this blog, but I am more than happy to talk about China! If anyone wants to ask questions or learn more about that, lemme know and we'll make it happen.

"We, Are From, America!"
Being back in the states has been a whirlwind of fast-food, airplanes, Jersey Shore, weddings and Snap Fitness tom-foolery.

Actually, the first thing I was exposed to when I got home was this Bachelorette non-sense where the good-looking couple argues on tv and everybody takes sides. That and Mel Gibson proving beyond all doubt that it might be time for him to lay low for a few years, unless of course he wants to get together with Robert Downey Jr and make the much anticipated sequel to Air America.

I think I'm finally getting a handle on living in America again, but we'll see.

Amy Adams
I ended up watching a lot of her movies in my first week back. I like her, she's not threatening.

I promise I have more interesting things to say than this post, It just takes a few to get back into any kind of rhythm.

It has been such a weird week for me. I want to come up with some really cool metaphor to describe it, so that the people who read this will think I'm cool and deep.

Unfortunately I'm not really either of those things. I mean I like to think I am, and I'm pretty good at faking it, but at the end of the day I'm just some dude who really likes watching the office before going to sleep and has an unhealthy obsession with string(ed?) cheese.

Fact: When I listen to Phil Wickham I feel like such a wimp

Also Fact: I'd rather be uncomfortably aware of how much I can't do and how much I need God than live with a false sense of strength and pride.

Pride and How We Think We Can Beat Sin
When I deal with the various sins that move in and out of my life it normally feels entirely overwhelming. I am brought to a place where I need to face that ugliness that can exist in my own heart and am forced to recognize as long as I have that, it's going to be reflected in my relationships with others.

It's in that moment that I think I am most vulnerable, because it's in that moment that I will try and muster this very manly, very wrong approach to cope with my failings.

I will try and beat my sin with pride.

I will say to myself "I am so much better than this, than this state that I am in" and then I will think "I can beat this!"

And while this does well to make me feel better about where I am, it's a complete and utter lie.

When I make appeals to my own "abilities" and perceived strengths and I am telling Jesus that I no longer have need for His grace, and no need for the Salvation He has won for the sake of humanity.

I think this is our we make ourselves into idols, and fall prey to self-worship.

Random Thoughts

I feel uncomfortable asking for financial blessings in prayer.

I am really excited for softball tonight because I can hit home-runs and make it look like I am a talented athlete, even though I am not.

Fish Oil is soooooo potentially good for you. Though I've also read it's not. I don't know what to believe anymore

I've become a fan of that really nervous feeling that is encountered when we take a risk to better understand Jesus.

!

I'm in an oddly nostalgic mood. That seems to be my go-to method for dealing with that feeling that the world's an overwhelming place that I'm always tempted to get caught up in.

So I'm just going to list, let whatever connects in my head connect and be okay with that. It's like a meditative poem of sorts.....but not a poem.

I feel really comfortable when I go to the grocery store because it makes me feel like I've got family all around me.

The same can be said about parking lots. Some of my favorite memories are standing in Safeway parking lots in the summer, eating Taco Bell and wondering what superhero I'd be.

I can sit and watch rivers move by for a long time.

I love listening to baseball games on the radio.

The Great Gatsby is a very comforting book for me, it's what I want to be reading when life feels colorless.

A house is not complete without a porch in my head.

I really like that scene in the Notebook where Ryan Gosling reads Walt Whitman poems.

"I sing the body electric"-Walt Whitman

I am homesick but I'm not sure it's that simple kind of homesick that's cured by a weekend somewhere other than Flagstaff.

I sometimes make my problems to be large and important when they are small and not worthy of my thoughts.

I am scared often.

I am scared with all my friends getting married.

I have identity issues that are easily exploited when I seek validation in the opposite sex.

I like low florescent lighting that's not invasive but feels nice in the background of a kitchen, underneath the cabinets.

I enjoy walking when it's summer and all the things I'm allergic to make the air feel heavy.

I give travel too much healing power in my life.

Everyone likes the taste of their own eggs.

I am guilty of using sarcasm to elevate myself above others so I can hide my own brokenness in the "stupidity" I subscribe to the choices they make.

I am a redwood tree (metaphorically)

I am a redwood tree (literally)

I'm not really either of those things, I'm not sure exactly what that would mean.

I use to collect Star Wars Episode I collectible soda cans. But drank the soda and just had a bunch of empty cans in my room for a few months.

I am in love with the drama of my own humanity.

The movies that make me cry are as follows: My Dog Skip, Garden State, Wicker Park, many many movies involving Tom Hanks (actor or producer) and I may have slightly wept watching the Notebook.

I sometimes think I am not "man enough" to be a man.

I then hold onto this idea that I am a man in Christ, which looks different and has nothing to do with steady income, lifting heavy things, or drinking lots of beers.

I used to have super artsy Myspace/Facebook pictures.

I love the sounds radios make when it's summer and I'm washing my car.

I like it when I'm listening to pop/alt radio stations that span 1970-present.

The above was one of the best perks of working at Subway.

I use to lay out on my parents driveway at night and watch the moon roll around for a few hours while I listened to Bright Eyes and thought about how romantic I was.

I don't get tired of "Clocks" by Coldplay.

I appreciate all of my friends so much.

I live a truly blessed life

It's easy for me to forget this when: (insert many random things that happen in life)


I feel much much better after doing this. Who knows why, but it always seems to help me.

Go watch a movie, call your mother or make a meal for your roommates.


-Geoff

Skinny Love

I have been doing really well as of late. Things have seemed so wonderful....full of mystery. Then today, I had my first legitimately bad mood in a week or so.

When I was on my way home from school I saw some dude passed out on the side of the road. I pulled over to see what was up. From two years of working at a shelter that allows individuals who are intoxicated in the building I could piece together this guy had been drinking pretty heavily.

So I woke him up (he seemed familiar, like I knew him from the shelter or something) and I went through the steps to see if he needed an ambulance or FMC (Flagstaff Medical Center). I'm just about to make a call when this skinny white dude in dreads showed up. I don't know how I can describe what happened next......just that he used a lot of f-bombs and really seemed to think I didn't know what I was doing. He wouldn't have a conversation with me about it, just kept cursing about white people and how I didn't know anything. It was really weird. And honestly, I've never had anger like I had in that moment. Maybe it was because his elephant-in-the-room attitude really got to me, or my pride was hurt. I'm not sure.

I left because he called 911 for the guy on the ground (who was conscious at this point) and since he did that there wasn't really any point to me staying.

I spent the next couple of hours trying to justify myself....my anger......you know that I was right and he was wrong. I'm still mad......but I know this isn't the right response.

I'm held up in my room right now, my roommates are watching the Fresh Prince, but I'm not going to leave until I can figure out how to love this Rastafarian/Jewish/cursing child of God. Because that's what it comes down to.....it's easy to love people who treat you kindly or don't treat you anyway at all.....but when they insult you.....bother you for no reason. That's the real test.

The more I think badly of this man, the more I'm murdering him in my heart......and he doesn't deserve that. Jesus sets an example for me......that I should have stood and took those insults.....and made sure that the man on the ground got into the ambulance alright. I left because my pride had been hurt.....I left out of my own selfishness.

So that's some actual processing right now. I'm going to live with that, and keep this man in my prayers. Because there isn't much that separates us. We both live in a world where sin is prevalent....and we both need Jesus, a lot.

I finally admit to liking Bon Iver......I'm through being too cool



Also, I went to the zoo in Albuquerque over spring break.....it was awesome. Blog about that soon.

I've Never Punched a Shark (the Last Month)

I've never punched a shark, the idea of doing something like that is terrifying.

This last month has been....busy to say the least. I've gone through about 12 different large "life changing" things I'd like to do, worked 20 hours most weeks, gone to school and lots of other things that had been adding lots of stress to my life.

Shutter Island
Was awesome.

Stress
Is not so awesome.

I've been considering what it means to "stress" about things in my life and I don't think I've ever understood how truly destructive it is. It's really awful physically and mentally, and I don't want to live with the mentality that stress is some how helping me get anything done in my life.

I think that there is a very good reason Jesus tells us not to worry. (I'm equating worry to stress here, hopefully that doesn't irk anyone). It's as if our bodies have been designed to collapse when we worry/stress out about the things in our lives.

If anything it is a manifestation of a lack of faith in God and His provision. I'm beginning to think that when we worry or stress, we are essentially saying "man I need to rely of my self and trust that I am strong enough to get things done" which is complemented by "God may be there, but I don't have time to wait around for Him to work and provide in my time of need".

Jesus never asked us to be strong, only that we realize "My grace is sufficient for you, My power is made perfect in weakness" (2 Corinthians....something and such).

I'm hoping to be restored of my faith in God being active in my life, trusting that He will show up and not worrying if things don't happen within my perception and definition of what 'should' happen.



-Geoff

Haiti

Today I am full of peace, cliff bars and internal organs. Life is moving forward and I'm really anxious to see the next few months play out. I'm working on getting my passport updated so that I can go to Haiti this summer....which is what I'm going to be talking about for most for this post.

I really enjoy it when it gets warmer in Flagstaff, when the snow melts and I can see rocks and dirt and shopping carts and 50 degrees feels like 75 because it's been near zero at night.

When there was an Earthquake, Haiti, and How to Respond.

When I saw the headlines about the earthquake that happened in Haiti, I'm not sure I had a concept of what was going on, why it was bad, or whether or not I really cared.

Then I read some of the first articles, about how Haiti was already the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere, about how Port-Au-Prince looked like a war zone, and saw pictures of people crushed under the rubble. These things made it painfully obvious of my ignorance, and I got one of those heavy, sinking feelings in my chest. I think this happened for two reasons,

1) There were people suffering and dying in Haiti

2)It took a massive natural disaster to make me aware of the situation in this country, 200,000 plus people dead to wake me from comfortable apathy.

My next reaction was to start calling up different missions organizations to see what I could do, and the consensus was that more than anything money was needed. Then I called up the head staff for Intervarsity Christian Fellowship here on campus to see what we could do as a fellowship. We talked it over, and I defiantly felt convicted that standing by saying, "well isn't that tragic, say a prayer before you go to sleep" wasn't the right response. I firmly believe that when Jesus asks those who call Him Lord to "love your neighbor as yourself", it isn't conditional. It doesn't mean be "nice" to people, to do one good deed and call it a day. It's a call to legitimate, meaningful, lasting love. Something that represents Christ, not our selfish, pitying affections. Those don't last and aren't unique anyways.

So, I was sitting on my couch, feeling awful when I had an idea.

I don't know where it came from, but I believe it was something God put on my heart. The idea was a call for our campus at NAU to fast and pray for at least one day, the coming Saturday of that week. But it made sense for that to be taken a step further, and to make this something that was spiritual but active. I think it's completely reasonable for a group of peoples to fast as a sign of solidarity, but why not give up the money that would have been spent on food, pool it together and donate it in one lump some through an organization working on the ground in Haiti? So that's what we did. That Friday I called almost everyone in my phone book asking for prayer, and that Saturday I saw 6oish students come to the Raymond Rec room on central campus to pray, intercede on behalf of the Haitian people. 513 dollars were raised and donated to Haiti through World Vision.

God's Calling and Why it's Unwise to Say "No"

During my time in prayer that Saturday, I felt as if God was inviting me to more. As if He was saying "this is good, but let's see if we can't do more". When I thought about that, it made sense. One day events are awesome, and lots of good can be done through that, but it's entirely too easy to say "I've done my part, let everyone else do something now". I realized, I have no idea how that thought could ever be justified in the Gospel. The concept of enough, doesn't apply to God's Grace, Love and His Kingdom. So I asked my roommate Erik if he wanted to go to Haiti this summer with me.

He said yes and we started doing research, how we could go, through what organizations and what we could really do.

We've now got a contact, and things are moving. We'll see what happens. (Of course there are more details to that, but I'm going to be a little secretive for now).

I've been really challenged with the question of "What can I really do and would it mean anything?". This is an honest question. I still have my doubts about God to use me in this situation. That said, since I'm never really able to understand all of what God has laid out in His plans, why would this be any different? Why wouldn't I trust Him in this situation? (Unfortunately the reason is usually "well because this is actually hard and requires risk").

When God calls us to something, it's probably in our best interests to answer that call. It's easy to kill callings with worldly logic and sometimes we have to "settle" for the explanation to our friends and family "it's a matter of faith". Normally this is answer is viewed as a cop-out but acting in the blurry haze of faith is great. Especially because the verb in that sentence is "act". To quote James, "faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead." (James 2:17).

The Other Things That I Won't Mention Specifically That Involve Preparation

There are lots of things that go into following Jesus, and it's going to look different for everyone. I'm doing things to really test the legitimacy of my "heart for Haiti". Those things are intentionally private (blah blah blah, more accurately I feel they are distracting in the context of a blog post, I'm not above and do talk about things with people when it's more personal)

I will say I was particularly inspired by this article I read the other day:

http://www.worldvisionacts.org/?q=lentglorified

Ash Wednesday is this week. Hmmmmmmmm


-Geoff

Waiting for the Roof to Magically Fix Itself

I'm more or less killing time right now. The 3 plus feet of snow has finally broken into my home through the solar tube in the kitchen. I'm looking at the hole right now (I mean it's covered in blankets and cardboard) and thinking about how we're going to pay for that.

I've been sleeping on the couch lately, something I only do when something is bothering me. It's strange I guess. I think I was on there for like 3 weeks or something, but last night I slept in my room. It was a good, lazy sleep. I still don't know what's been eating at me (Gilbert Grape, blah blah blah).

I know that in a few minutes Erik and I will be going have lunch with our friend Chase. Chase travels around the country and follows Jesus in awesome communes. We are going to Big Foot BBQ but since Erik and I are still on this vegetarian-better than you-I don't kill things-meat is murder kick we will be getting some stupid tofu knock-off.

I'm working on praying more, consistently and like it matters. Its still been a work in progress loving my roommates. Loving the people I see every day. In every failure I am learning how crazy it is that Jesus has, does and will love us this passionately.

I have an awesome story about Haiti and college kids, but I'll talk about that in the next post.


I hope that everyone is having wonderful day,

geoff

Lists

I don't really feel like leaving my couch lately. I've been watching lots and lots of TV, feeling gross, and only seeing the light of day to go to the gym or work. Sometimes I get food. There's something nice in those weird moments (days, weeks, months) where we don't know what we're doing.

These are the things I like right now:

1."How I Met Your Mother" Seasons 1-3

2. The more important dialogues I've been having with my roommates

3. Scrambled Eggs with cheese mixed in

4. Apple Cinnamon Cheerios

5. The notes I'm taking for some sort of screenplay I'm fantasizing about

6. Listening to both of A.A. Bondy's albums, they are great.

These things are less than ideal

1. It's cold

2. There aren't that many people in Flagstaff right now

3. Parts of me misses living in an urban center....which is weird

Short sweet, just a bunch of lists

-Geoff

This Is Not a Post Concerning the New Year

I guess I just wanted to post something concerning writing. Like real writing, not this. I'm in a graduate class for poetry this semester, and I've been told part of the focus is publishing. So that's cool. I don't have an grand illusions of getting anything put in a magazine, at this point I'm trying not to think about writing in that way. The stupid day dream I use to have where I was an influential writer with a nice scarf and valid opinions is the thing I'm trying to rid myself of.....I think I write better when that's not what I'm thinking about. Anyways I've been working on something new poems over the last few days. I'm mostly just building from notes I took last semester, anyways I figured I'd give the people that read this a preview.

Marriage at Sea Level & the End of the World

The gossip of old lades moves through our homes
and lets us know that every choice we've made has been wrong,
and no matter who we love she'll always be two songs
with the same words and different music to make us burn
like silly 2 dollar candles bought from a street vendor
(pouring out cinnamon or vanilla till there's nothing else in the room).

When my grandfather died his ashes married Horse Mtn
& a flask of whiskey while my grandmother married her Garden
and now everything blooms when the spring melts the fog away.

Every morning after Thanksgiving my father's friend
marries the same waitress at Hanson's truck stop,
5 am over eggs & toast.

The groaning of the Pacific sounds like a wounded animal
in the pastures behind Three Corners Market
where the salt marries rusted out tractors and homes.

The gas station attendant in Ludlow who hoses the
concrete at night wants to get married while I'm trying to
show you a constellation that looks like marriage at sea level & the End of the World. Because
now the world is ending and when we wake up
we won't know the faces of the people around us.

I never trust anyone as much as strangers and few people
can sing in my heart like the nameless.
The longer I go into the night the less I want to talk to you
or anyone who might be real because I never want your
silences to change my landscapes or
rot my hatred into something useful.

We change our bodies everyday to look
like thicker versions of our parents
and take a bow to the people we use to be
(who look back at us like faces against the window of a car
when it's cold and normal saying, "Good Job, We're So Proud!)
as we stand in Levis, hands jammed in our pockets, ashamed.

Every time I see a full moon I want to walk with you in a Eucalyptus
grove till all of our features are worn away and
I find the dark timid feeling of honesty
that swims around in the creek by the path
like the fish trapped in pools
who wait for rain to take them back out to the ocean.
Winter comes and I drive through the desert and up the coast
till the weather feels like home.
You are still at work so I wait.



Sooo yeah, there's that. silly rants and raves.

Hope everyone is doing well,

Geoff